Witz des Tages
Ein Mann kommt in einkleines Dorf und fragt in einem Lokal: “Sagen Sie, haben Sie hier auchNutten?”
“Nein”, meint der Wirt, “wir haben nur unseren Herbert!”
Der Mann schaut ein wenig verwirrt und meint schliesslich: “Egal, ich binso geil, ich brauch unbedingt Sex. Was kostet es denn?”
Der Wirt: “Es kostet 80.- Euro!”
“Na gut”, meint der Mann, “und wie läuft es dann ab? Ich gebeHerbert die 80.- Euro und dann wird gebumst?”
Der Wirt: “Nein, nicht ganz. 40.- Euro bekommt unser Bürgermeister; es istsein Dorf und er hat es eigentlich nicht so gerne. Dann ist er beruhigt undsagt auch nix.”
“Gut, dann bekommt Herbert eben nur noch 40.- Euro, mir egal.”
“Hmm… auch das nicht. 20.- Euro kriege ich; das hier ist mein Hotel undich habe es auch nicht so gerne!”
“Mir soll’s Recht sein. Also gebe ich Herbert die 20.- Euro und dann gehtes los, ja?”
“Schon wieder falsch. Die letzten 20.- Euro teilen sich Michael undStefan; die halten Herbert fest, der hat es nämlich auch nicht so gerne!”
from Bloig http://bit.ly/wHO71d
Characters from Different RPG Systems Try To Lift A Rock
The Internet does cool stuff sometimes:
Characters from Different RPG Systems Try To Lift A Rock
D&D 3.x: If you’re strong enough, you lift the rock. If you like lifting rocks, you should check out this new prestige class based around rock-lifting.
D&D 4: All classes can lift the rock. They just do it differently.
Rolemaster: Roll to lift the rock. Now roll on the “rock lifting fumble table.” Your arms fall off and bone shards impale two of your friends.
GURPS: Calculate the weight of the rock, your carrying capacity, your own weight, and the modifiers for terrain. Then roll to lift the rock.
Vampire: Roll to lift the rock. If you botch, you drop it on your foot and betray to the world the travesty of humanity you’ve become.
Mouseguard: It’s not whether you lift the rock; it’s what you lift the rock for.
Fate: If you’re strong enough, you lift the rock. If you’re not, maybe the rock killed your parents or saved your life. Spend a fate point and lift the rock.
Car Wars: Lifting a rock would entail getting out of your car. Don’t do that.
Exalted - Before you can lift the rock, you have to go on RPGnet and discuss the best Charm build so that you’re doing it right. Then you realize the mechanics are all broken. You eventually give up and move on to other things, but damn was that rock pretty.
Cthulhutech - The rock tries to rape you. It’s all brutal and dark and scary. You can’t do anything about it.
Paranoia - The other members of your team shoot you for trying to engage in unassigned activities with the property of the Computer.
Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay - You pick up a rock. You develop horrible mutations and an urge to worship the daemons whispering in your head. Maybe the events are related; it’s hard to say.
Shadowrun: Spend two hours with your team planning who will lift the rock and who will provide cover fire. Once the rock is engaged it turns out you underestimated its mass and the plan falls apart, so you just struggle and kick your way through. When you report your sloppy but successful execution of the mission to Mr Johnson, he fucks you over.
Unknown Armies - You pick up a rock. As long as you hold the rock, you have power. But once you let go of it, the power is lost. So who has the power, the rock or you? Meanwhile, somebody has invented a piece of technology that has been sold worldwide to everyone for decades if not centuries, making the rock obsolete.
Kult - You have a rock. God hates you.
Trail of Cthulhu - You automatically pick up the rock because there is a clue underneath. You make a 1-Point Geology spend to realize the rock is a part of the world and part of something so much larger and more important than your pitiful human scale. Your mind shatters and you run gibbering down the streets of Massachusetts.
Don’t Rest Your Head - You roll to pick up the rock. Exhaustion succeeds, but Pain dominates. You reach for the rock but are overcome by exhaustion. In your hand, the rock becomes a poisonous rock crab. The street laughs at you, as your blood runs into a hungry gutter.
Fiasco - You pick up the rock trying not to think about how bad this is all going to end up.
Credits to Paul Echeverri originally shared this post:The Internet does cool stuff sometimes:
Characters fr http://bit.ly/yZLnVI
from Bloig http://bit.ly/yy4sdf
Loig von und zu LeRoumois
Witziges, lustiges und nicht ganz ernst gemeintes auf http://on.fb.me/zPgJ1f
from Bloig http://bit.ly/zMRqMZ
Hell explained by chemistry student
the-absolute-funniest-posts:
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term:
The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
from Bloig http://bit.ly/uIoCMm
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington Chemistry mid-term:
The answer by one student was so ‘profound’ that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, ‘It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,’ and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting ‘Oh my God.’
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+
